In the highs of heaven, my children will be reunited with their father, no longer will I carry the burden of guilt of denying them the truth. The hell part isn’t so cut-and-dry, I’m terrified of Gabriel coming back into my life.
Of the power he has over me, of the love I’m not sure I’ll ever shake.
The hurt and destruction to my heart I know he will bring.
It’s weird, like I have this disattachment to all things love, to all the men who have tried to love me over the years and the thought of marriage and a happy ever after.
Like a disease creeping in the dark, waiting to strike. My attachment to the pain he caused grows stronger than ever, and what does that say about me?
I loved him, but more than that, I love to hate him.
It’s easier to blame someone else for things gone wrong.
Sure, the attraction between us is still there, but that’s all it is.
A physical attraction will never win a war or spin the world on its axis.
Only love can do that, and this is as far from that as it gets.
I hope he looks after my babies.
I can think of only one thing worse than him not loving me… Him not loving them…
Friday afternoon, I grab the four cartons of milk and put them into the fridge.
The worst part of grocery shopping is unpacking it when you get home.
My phone dings and I read the text as it comes through, it’s from Gabriel.
Finally here and settled.
I’ll see you tonight.
My address is.
I read the address and frown, ugh, he’s so predictable. Of course he got a house on the most exclusive street in town.
My stomach flips. He’s here.
“Guys,” I call as I act unexcited. “We’re going to have dinner tonight with our friend Gabriel from New York, remember him?” “Really?” Lucia gushes with excitement.
Dominic looks up from his place on the couch. “Can I stay home?”
“No, baby.” My heart sinks, damn it I hate that Dom saw Gabriel and me fight that first visit, definitely not my finest hour. “Gabriel’s a nice man and you’ll like him if you just give him a chance.” Dominic curls his lip, unimpressed.
“What will you wear?” I ask him to change the subject.
“Can’t I wear this?” He looks down at himself.
“Why don’t you wear something nice?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, dress up with some nice pants and a shirt or something.”
“Can I wear my new yellow dress?” Lucia butts in.
“Of course you can.” “Can you braid my hair?” “Yep.” I smile.
Dom goes back to watching television and I know I have to move him along or else he will sit there procrastinating forever. “Dominic, go upstairs and have a shower and wash your hair, sweetheart,” I tell him.
“This is his house?” Lucia gasps. “Is he rich or something?”
“He must be,” Dom agrees. “Only rich people have driveways like this. I bet he has a pool too.”
“Who cares if he’s rich or not?” I snap. “It’s rude to talk about money, guys. Please never do that.”
Oh hell, these kids are going to sound so uncultured and country bumpkinish.
Well…they are.
We continue up the hill for miles and the car is silent as we look around at the beautiful surroundings, okay…this driveway is swish, it’s like the botanical gardens, even I’m in awe.
Ugh…so typically him.
What a wanker.
My palms begin to sweat as I hold the steering wheel, the magnitude of tonight is really beginning to freak me out. “Guys…just please, promise me that tonight you will be nice to Gabriel, okay?”
“Yes, Momma.” Lucia smiles from the backseat.
My eyes flick to Dominic in the rearview mirror for confirmation.
“Dom?”
“Yes.” He huffs. “I told you already.”
We come over the top of the hill and my eyes widen at the sight. The house is white and huge, three stories tall and lit up with the same fancy big ball lights. It has a sweeping veranda and beautiful gardens.
“Woooooah,” the children gasp from the back seat.

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