Alpha alec's redemption (Sadie) novel Chapter 274

I was lying on the grass, the sun shining warm on my skin. My eyes were closed, my breathing even. I was trying to relax, trying to stop my mind from replaying the disappointment of today’s class.

Just like always, I failed to grasp the technique our trainer has been teaching us for weeks. Xena picked it up within the first few days, while I’ve spent weeks getting nowhere. I’ve tried, truly tried, but it’s like my mind refuses to click with it.

Watching Xena practice so effortlessly made me feel like a failure. For once, I wanted to get something right. For once, I wanted to feel proud of myself and wanted to see that pride reflected in our mother’s eyes.

I know she loves us both equally. She doesn’t show favoritism. To her, we’re the same. But I still notice that look of pride she gives Xena when she’s praised for her accomplishments. She doesn’t look at me with disappointment, not at all. She always encourages me, but it doesn’t stop my heart from aching. It doesn’t stop me from craving that same proud look when someone mentions me.

The truth is, I don’t have any real achievements to speak of. I rarely master the techniques we’re taught. It’s always a struggle, and comparing myself to Xena just makes it worse.

Opening my eyes, I stare up at the clouds drifting overhead. I blink rapidly, trying to force the tears back. I feel useless. Weak. Like I don’t belong. And those feelings only grow worse when I hear the whispers around me. People wondering what’s wrong with me, considering who my mother is. Wondering why I’m weaker than Xena when we’re twins.

The murmured conversations between trainers each time I fail are starting to wear me down. They don’t even try to hide it anymore. It’s like I’m constantly being measured against my sister, and I always come up short.

It’s not just about Xena; it’s also about our mother. She’s incredibly powerful, and everyone expects her children to be the same. Xena lives up to that expectation. I don’t. I’m clumsy, weak, barely able to get things right. I’ve even overheard servants whispering whether I was switched at birth.

I know I shouldn’t let it get to me, but I do. I’ve tried to silence the negative thoughts, but each failure only amplifies them. Sometimes, I even find myself wondering if they’re right. How could my mother and twin sister be so strong while I’m… not?

Tired of drowning in self-pity, I sit up and fold my legs beneath me. I take a deep breath and begin the breathing exercise my mother taught me for moments like this, when the weight of it all becomes too much.

“There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

I turn to find my mother walking toward me, a soft smile on her face.

I don’t respond. I just turn back to stare into the forest. A moment later, I feel her sit beside me, her presence steady and strong. Just being near her calms me.

“Xena told me you ran out of training,” she says gently.

Of course she did. I roll my eyes. My sister never misses a chance to report back.

“It’s nothing,” I mumble, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them.

“It didn’t sound like nothing, Nyx,” she says. “Tell me what’s wrong. You know I’m always here.”

That’s one of the things I love most about her. She’s a powerful ruler, yes, but when it comes to us, her children, she’ll drop everything to be there. No matter how busy she is, she always shows up.

I sigh, the tension in my chest loosening just a little. I’ve never understood how she manages to make me feel safe enough to let my guard down.

“With all my heart, my love.” She kisses the top of my head, and I melt into her warmth, letting her love wash away the heaviness in my heart.

“You’ll always have us, Nyx.” I look up from her chest to see Xena standing nearby. Her expression is open, her eyes kind.

***

I sit up, leaning against the headboard as the last fragments of the dream fade from my mind. Though I should stop calling them dreams. They’re not dreams, they’re Nyx’s memories.

I sigh.

Figuring out my wolf has been like trying to piece together a puzzle without knowing what the final image is supposed to look like. So many scattered pieces. And I don’t know where any of them belong.

Xena and Nyx had been perfect sisters once. They’d loved each other deeply. So, what changed? What tore them apart and turned that love into hatred? And their mother. Who is she, really? And what happened to her?