Alright. So, there’s exactly one place at Lincoln High that could ever possibly compete with the sacred sanctuary that is the computer lab. And I swear on my cracked phone screen, every guy at this school would back me up like its gospel.
The infirmary.
Not just a medical room. Not just a place where you go when you fake a sprained wrist during PE. No. This place? This is a fucking shrine. A temple. A high school boy’s holy ground.
Because someone on the school board — I don’t know who, but I hope they get promoted and sainted — made a strategic decision. They saw the candidate list and were like, "Y’know what? Let’s go with the one that’ll cause a sudden, completely unexplainable spike in concussions, groin pulls, and ’persistent chest tightness’ among the male population."
And so, they hired Nurse Valentina Luna.
Let me break it down for you. This woman is the sole reason "nurse and student" is the most searched porn category on Lincoln High’s Wi-Fi. She’s like if you asked an AI to generate the most painfully hot Latina nurse imaginable, then told it to crank the settings to "destroy male attention spans."
And calling her a Latina goddess honestly felt like selling it short. She had curves that made geometry illegal.
Legs that looked Photoshopped in real life. And her smile? Bro. Her smile could make you forget your name, your locker combo, your entire sense of self-worth. And the scrubs? Yeah, scrubs are supposed to be loose and all "respectable medical professional."
But somehow, on her, they looked like they’d been stitched by sexy demons who hate teen boys and wanted us to suffer.
Torture couture.
So yeah—waking up here, after getting my brain yeeted into another dimension by Jack Morrison’s roid-rage punch and getting folded me like a lawn chair, should’ve felt like winning the consolation lottery. Like, okay, my skull got rearranged, but at least now I had a solid excuse to lie here while she checked my "vitals" and said words like "disorientation" with those soft lips and that voice.
Free front-row seat to Nurse Luna: The Live Experience.
But there’s something seriously screwing with my vision right now, and it’s completely ruining my opportunity to ogle the hottest woman in a fifty-mile radius.
Like, imagine you wake up expecting soft lighting, perfect cleavage, and the faint scent of vanilla lotion... and instead, you get weird-ass floating text hovering in your face like you accidentally activated Iron Man’s HUD in demo mode.
It was there. Just there. Dark letters hanging in the air like a glitchy AR overlay, right in the middle of reality.
I blinked.
It didn’t go away.
I slowly reached up, half-hoping I was hallucinating and this would confirm it.
My hand passed through it.
Clean. No resistance. No sensation. Just... air.
Which is exactly the kind of thing you want to experience after being turned into a human speed bag by a pissed-off quarterback. Awesome. Totally not alarming at all.
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