Ex-Husband's Regret (Ava and Rowan) novel Chapter 119

It’s been a month since the whole thing with Ethan happened. Am I okay? Definitely not. Does it still hurt? Fuck yes. Have I moved on? Absolutely not.

Things haven’t been easy. Every day I find myself drowning further and further in a sea of pain and heartache. I thought I was doing okay when I decided to move on with Ethan. I realize now that I was probably just lying to myself.

Ethan's betrayal has drenched up all the other pains I tried burying. All the hurts I tried forgetting. It was like I was now back to square one. Only thing is that I had a few more new scars marring my heart and soul.

I go through the days in a fog. Just living numbly. Time and things pass me by because I wasn’t really living. I am just surviving. Taking each day one at a time.

Everyone seems to have moved on, but I feel like I am just stuck. Stuck in a never ending cycle of pain and heartbreak. My world right now is dark and cold and I feel all alone.

“Miss Sharp, are you okay?” Mark, one of my students asks me.

Fuck, I hate that name. It serves as a reminded that the people who gave it to me broke me. I wanted to change it, but I didn’t know which name to take. I didn’t want to take the Howell’s name given I don’t know that much about them. There is also the fact that I haven’t spoken to them since that day at my house.

“Yes, I am…focus on the classwork” I reply to him before looking down at the books on my desk.

I loved teaching, but nowadays it has become like a chore. Every day I come to work, I can’t help but wish the hours would fly by quickly so that I can go home. I wanted solitude but I wasn’t getting enough of that with Letty and Rowan checking up on me every damn time.

My students have noticed something is wrong. Classes aren’t as fun as they used to be. I wasn’t as cheery as I was before. I was like a robot. Lifeless. Because of this some of my students have started skipping class. I just don’t know how to bring back the old Ava.

“Hello, Ava?” she calls out.

I don’t say anything. Just release the breath I was holding.

“Please my dear, please don’t shut me out. Don’t shut me and your father out” she whispers her voice catching at the end.

I still don’t say anything. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. My mouth refuses to move. To utter a single fucking word.

“You’re my daughter, Ava and I want to be in your life. I want to be the mother I was supposed to be. I know you’re hurting and I want to be there for you. I already lost one child, please don’t make me lose another. Losing you again just after finding you would kill me” she pleads, crying and it breaks my heart.