Ex-Husband's Regret (Ava and Rowan) novel Chapter 45

Ava

I’m still reeling from Rowan’s actions a couple of days ago. I don’t get what the hell has gotten into him. Was he trying to jeopardize his relationship with Emma? Did he want to get me into more trouble with her?

She already thought that I was out to get her man. That I was doing everything I can to take him away from her. What she didn’t understand is that I just wanted peace. I didn’t want Rowan. I’ve been there, tried that and learned my lesson the hard way.

“Are you sure about that?” an annoying little voice asked me. “You can’t deny that you liked the kiss. That’s how you always imagined him kissing you. With nothing but want and passion”

I shake the thought away. It was wrong. I was determined to move on from Rowan and find a life and love of my own. Just because my body betrayed me didn’t mean anything. My response was purely biological. There was nothing more to it.

“Keep lying to yourself” the voice argued

I wasn’t lying to myself. Or maybe I was, bottom line is I wasn’t going to read into Rowan uncharacteristic behavior or his unexpected kiss.

Pushing thoughts of Rowan completely to the back of my mind, I focus on the door to the coffee shop. It was five and I had just gotten out of work. Letty and I had made plans to meet up before going home.

I take a bite of my cake just as the door opens and Letty walks in. Her eyes searches the sea of people before finally landing on me. She rushes towards me, a smile on her face.

“I’m so sorry I’m late, we had a last minute meeting at the office” she says as she takes a seat opposite me.

I smile back at her. “It’s okay. No worries”

“I see you’ve already ordered” she points out.

“I missed lunch so I was a bit hungry”

She nods her head before making her order. When that’s done, she turns and faces me. Giving me her full attention.

“So tell me, how did your date with Ethan go?”

“Because part of me wanted him to do it, just to know how it feels to be kissed by someone who actually wants me, but the other part was glad he didn’t kiss me because I’m not sure whether I’m ready for that yet”

She keeps quiet and just stares at me. I see the wheels in her mind turning as she thinks about what I just told her.

“You’re telling me that Rowan has never kissed you?” she asks, a frown marring her beautiful face.

“He has, but not like he meant it. I saw him kiss Emma when we were younger. It was passionate and heated. Like he couldn’t get over the taste of her lips on his. Like he could do it over and over again.” I take a breath. “He has never kissed me like that”

I avoid her eyes because I don’t want her to see my shame. This is the first time I’m telling anyone this. I’ve hidden the broken pieces of my marriage to Rowan in my heart for so long. Not wanting anyone to know just how much his actions destroyed me.

“He did kiss you like that last Friday” that same annoying voice reminds me.

That was just a fluke. It didn’t mean anything. Besides it can't erase all the times I wanted him to kiss me like that, but he never did. If I’m being honest with myself, Rowan avoided kissing me as much as he could, and that always hurt me like you wouldn’t believe. That my husband found me so unattractive that he didn’t even want to kiss me. Even when we had sex, he would kiss anywhere except my lips.