His Wicked Embrace novel Chapter 19

He released her hand. "You need not worry. I am in control." He cleared his throat and then glanced toward his bed. "You should be sleeping. After all that has happened, I think you still need rest." He motioned for her to follow him to the door. "Let me take you to your chambers. The maids should have it ready for you."

Was he pushing her away? Had he misunderstood her slap as a warning and not an invitation? She thought he had known she was desirous of his advances. Perhaps he didn't want her as much as she wanted him. He could say pretty words in scandalous ways, but perhaps it was a game and he didn't truly mean any of it. The thought weighed down on her. All she wanted now was Lawrence. He was her only chance for some small measure of happiness before she was put on a ship and sent to an uncertain future.

He escorted her to a lovely bedroom down the hall with blue satin walls and a dainty walnut wood bed with white silk sheets. Clearly it was a room meant for a woman. She couldn't help but wonder how many others had been here before her. A man with his face and his body would never sleep alone.

So why does he not want me? All she had left to give him was herself, and he didn't want her. Perhaps he does not want to take advantage of me after all that has happened? She couldn't throw herself at him, it wasn't right, but she'd hoped he'd understood she wanted him to take her, to show her pleasure...but she was afraid to ask him. Whatever occurred between them, she wanted it to be born out of mutual longing, not a sense of obligation.

"I'll summon the maid to help you prepare for bed." Lawrence lingered in the doorway, head bowed slightly as though suddenly bashful. "The weather will likely be fair tomorrow during our picnic. We could stay at an inn if we don't wish to return to the city by nightfall."

"What is a picnic?" she asked, not certain what the word meant. When he'd mentioned it before she hadn't thought to ask him about it.

A smile flitted around the edges of his lips. "We lie on blankets in the shade at the top of some grand hill and feed each other food." He gripped the doorjamb, his cheeks turning a color of red similar to his hair. "If you don't think you'd like that, we could remain here and-"

"No!" She rushed to stop him. "I think that sounds lovely." Hope rose up in her again. This picnic sounded romantic, and romance was what she wanted.

"Good." Lawrence still seemed somewhat bashful, but more confident now. "Get some rest tonight. We will leave for Richmond right after breakfast."

After he closed the door, she sank into a chair by her fireplace. She had appreciated solitude before now, but ever since she'd woken that night, the screams and blood and the palace on fire, she couldn't stand to be alone for long. Zehra stood up and crossed to the doorway, only to step back in surprise as a cheery young maid stepped in.

"Evening, miss. The master said you are ready for bed? My name is Eva." Her sunny smile made Zehra feel instantly at home.

"Yes, thank you, Eva." She turned her back to the maid, who unbuttoned Zehra's gown and helped her step out of it. Then she removed the stays and the rest of her underclothes while the maid retrieved one of the expensive nightgowns Lawrence had bought.

"Such a fine bit of cloth," Eva said as her fingers touched the nightgown. She blushed when she saw Zehra watching her. "Sorry, miss."

Zehra didn't want the maid to be shy-she wanted every friend she could get. "He has exquisite taste, does he not?" Zehra said as she too stroked the delicate cloth.

"Indeed," said Eva. "He has good taste in most everything." The maid giggled as she glanced at Zehra and then blushed furiously. "Pardon me, miss. I didn't mean to imply-"

Zehra laughed with her. "It's fine. Tell me, Eva, does Mr. Russell bring many women here?" She knew it was a risk to ask such a question, but she needed to know more about him. In truth, she had to know if she was but one among many who had fallen for his sweetness and charm. Am I fooling myself?

"He's brought a few ladies, mistresses of course, but not lately. They usually stay in his chambers until just after dawn and leave."

"But this room... It is so very feminine. I thought perhaps he kept his mistresses here."

Eva lifted the nightgown so Zehra could drop it down over her head and slide her arms through the sleeves. The soft fabric whispered over her skin as it drifted down her body.

"This room? This room is used by the master's mother or sister when they come to visit."

Relief flooded through her at hearing that this room was not for Lawrence's mistresses. Yet at the same time, she didn't like the idea that he was putting her away from him when she'd told him she wished to be with him. "And what are they like? His mother and sister?"

Eva chuckled and motioned for Zehra to sit in the chair by the gilded vanity table. The maid deftly removed the pins from Zehra's coiffure. Zehra's dark locks fell down over her shoulders and back in soft natural waves.

"The master's mother is quite a lady."

"Is something bothering you, miss?" Eva asked.

"No..." She hesitated. "No, that's not true. I am worried he doesn't..." Her voice trailed off, her face heating, and she covered her cheeks with her hands. "I like Mr. Russell very much, but I fear he doesn't have the same interest in me."

There, she'd said it, and Eva wasn't laughing at her or looking at her in disgust.

"Oh, he likes you-I wouldn't be too worried about that," the maid said with an impish grin. It was as though Eva could read her thoughts.

"You think so?"

A bit of Eva's pale-gold hair escaped her cap, and she tucked it back under. "Oh yes, miss. George, the master's valet, said the master was humming all the while he was preparing for his bath this morning. He's never done that before. I think he wants to care for you, more so than he has ever cared about anyone. Even his mother and sister aren't treated with such concern for their comforts."

She couldn't help but preen a little at the thought as Eva tended to the bed next. But then a shadow was cast over her joy. What if his actions were only out of a sense of charity? She didn't want him to view her as some pet that must be cared for or a beggar to be pitied. How could she get him to show his true feelings?

"Will you be needing anything else, miss?" Eva asked as she turned down the sheets on the bed.

"No, thank you."

The maid slipped out of the room, and Zehra retrieved a new novel from the table by the fire before she climbed into bed. She felt a little better but still wished she could have been in Lawrence's arms tonight. Zehra closed her eyes, the book dropping onto her lap with barely a word read. She began to slip into sweet dreams of kissing Lawrence. All thoughts of bloodshed and pain vanished for the night.

Tomorrow, I will convince him that I want him, and maybe he will want me back because he truly desires me. All I must do is convince him that I want a rogue and not a gentleman.