I hated to see the way that my mother treated Mark. He deserved someone better than her. He deserved someone who
would actually listen to what he had to say instead of nagging him all of the time about such petty bullshit. He deserved. someone who would satisfy his sexual desires that my mother so carelessly brushed off. Most of all, he deserved someone.
who would give him the child that he so desperately wanted.
He deserved me.
Mark had started dating my mother when I was only six. I loved
him almost immediately. He would always bring me a rose when he bought a bouquet for my mother, and he always included me
on their weekend outings to the beach or the museum. Within a
year of meeting each other, he and my mother had bought a
house together and we moved in as a family. For a while,
everything was perfect. I even started calling him Daddy.
The arguments really started when I was about fourteen. I tried
to be respectful and leave go outside when they happened, but
my mother’s high–pitched shouts carried across the backyard.
“I’ve told you a hundred times, there is no way in Hell I’m having
another baby! Just drop it already!”
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Daddy wasn’t shouting, so I couldn’t make out his response to
her. After a few minutes, I heard mother slam the front door and
get into her car and drive away. I went in through the back door
and found Daddy sitting at the kitchen table, cradling his head in
his hands. I sat door in the chair beside him and put my hand on
his shoulder.
“What’s wrong, Daddy?” It hurt me to see him look so defeated.
“I really love your mother, and I love you more than anything,
Caitlin, but….I’ve just always imagined myself having a child of
my own. Being there in the delivery room, changing diapers, the
sleepless nights. I still want to experience all of that for myself
with a child that I helped create, but your mother is adamant
about not wanting to have another baby.”
I felt a twinge in my heart, both because I felt like I wasn’t
enough for him and because I could see how desperately
wanted a child of his own. I wanted to make it better for him,
but I knew that there was nothing that I could do.
I never heard them have another argument about having a baby,
but it was clear that things were never the same between them
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