Too Lazy to be a Villainess novel Chapter 173

Chapter 173: My Safe-Zone

[Lavinia’s POV—Dawnspire Wing—Lavinia’s Chamber]

The air between us went still. Not the comfortable, romantic kind of still—no, this was the murderous kind.

The apple slipped from my hand, rolling pathetically across the ground like it was escaping the scene before things got ugly.

I narrowed my eyes, just to make sure my ears weren’t conspiring against me.

"What... did you just say?"

"You," Rey repeated, stretching the word out like a lazy cat pawing at a trapped mouse. His smirk could have been arrested for indecency. Then, leaning in just enough for me to smell trouble, he added, "I said... I want you, princess."

Oh, he did not just—

My jaw tightened. My fist clenched. My entire bloodstream turned into boiling lava.

"Hah..." I let out a laugh so hollow it could have been used as a haunted house soundtrack. "I... can’t believe... what I’m hearing."

Rey just sat there, looking like the human embodiment of a wink.

With an angry glint in my eyes, I rose to my feet, grabbed my sword—still sheathed—and without a shred of hesitation started whacking him like I was tenderizing questionable meat.

"You—bastard—" whack "—son of a—" whack "—cheap fairytale villain!" whack whack whack

"Oi, oi, careful, princess!" Rey shielded himself with an arm. "You’re going to dent the pretty face you secretly like."

"Secretly like?! The only thing I like is imagining your funeral!"

The air around us vibrated with every swing.

THWACK!

My sword cover smacked into his shoulder. "AAGHH—wait, wait! Princess, my precious bones—" Rey’s voice cracked like a pubescent boy’s.

"Precious bones?!" I barked a laugh so sharp even the crows on the roof paused. "I’ll make sure your precious bones are in alphabetical order by the time I’m done!"

THWACK! Right arm.

THWACK! Left arm.

"P—princess! I bruise easily!" Rey yelped, hopping back only for me to follow like a bloodhound on a fresh scent.

"GOOD! Now people will see your bruises and know you’re a certified creep! I’ll tattoo ’PERVERT’ on your forehead with this sword if I have to!"

"Wha—Tattoo?! You don’t even know how to tattoo!" he complained, ducking as I swung again.

"Oh, I’ll LEARN. I’m multi-talented when motivated!"

THUD!

My sword cover landed on his shin. Rey howled like I’d just chopped it off. "AGHHHH! Princess! The shin! That’s a war crime!"

"You know what’s a war crime? Harassing women in broad daylight!" I screamed, swinging again.

"IT WAS A COMPLIMENT!" he shouted, trying to shield himself with both arms.

"A compliment?!" I jabbed him right in the gut with the hilt. He wheezed like an accordion in its death throes. "Next time, try saying something like—’Good morning, princess, you look respectable today!’"

"That’s not flirty!" he gasped, staggering back.

"I DON’T WANT FLIRTY!" I roared. THWACK! "I want basic human decency!" THWACK!

By now, Rey was doubled over, hopping from one foot to the other, muttering something about filing a workplace harassment complaint—against me.

"Oh, don’t look at me like that!" I said when he shot me a betrayed glare. "You’re still alive, aren’t you? I call that mercy."

"Mercy?! My spine is in three different time zones!"

I swung once more for good measure—THUNK!—and then planted the sword cover into the ground with a huff. "That," I declared, "is for calling me princess in that tone."

Rey whimpered, clutching his stomach. "Fine, fine... next time I’ll call you... Your Royal Violence."

I narrowed my eyes. "Tempting fate, Rey."

He threw his hands up. "What?! That’s respectful and accurate!"

Respectful, my royal behind. I raised my sword again, fully prepared to continue his education in pain, until—

"Aaghhh—FINE! I give up! I’m sorry! I’M SORRY!" he yelped, shielding himself like a man trying to stop rain with a teacup. "I’ve had enough!"

I lowered the sword with the grace of a judge delivering a death sentence... Then tossed it to the ground with a loud clunk. Turning away, I went to sit, my robes swishing like the dramatic heroine I was born to be.

Marshi, on the other hand, was frozen. Mouth open. Eyes wide. He looked at me... then looked at Rey... Then back at me again—until, oh no, oh no, his eyes began to sparkle.

"What?" I asked suspiciously.

He trotted forward, big paws thudding softly, and nudged me with the enthusiasm of someone who had just witnessed the best play of the year.

"What’s wrong with you?" I asked.

He didn’t answer. Instead—he licked my cheek.

I blinked. Then smiled despite myself, patting his massive furry head. "Did you... enjoy seeing him get beaten?"

Marshi nodded. Enthusiastically. As in, if he had thumbs, he’d be clapping right now.

I chuckled, still patting him. "You’ve got good taste."

"I can’t believe," Rey wheezed dramatically, "that a divine beast is actually enjoying violence."

I turned, glaring sharp enough to cut glass. "Then you shouldn’t have messed with that divine beast’s master."

"NO." The word hit the air in all caps.

He blinked. Then he pouted. "I get beaten nearly to death and still get banned from the party?! Where is the justice in this kingdom?"

I scoffed. "Just get out before I personally escort you to the pavement."

"...You know, princess... I can still come to your coming-of-age ceremony."

"And..." His smirk deepened into pure, weaponized arrogance. "...you’ll even dance with me."

This bastard.

I grabbed the nearest pillow and hurled it at his smug face. "GET. LOST."

"See you again, princess," he said, walking away with the unearned happiness of a man who had clearly taken none of the right lessons from today.

***

[Lavinia’s POV—Emperor Cassius’s Chamber—Later]

I needed to see Papa. And yes, calm down before I do something... regrettable.

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