Ex-Husband's Regret (Ava and Rowan) novel Chapter 73

I just didn’t understand. Why now? What did they wish to gain from it?

“Your forgiveness?” the same voice whispers.

Forgiveness. Such a simple word, yet so complicated.

How can I give them that when they didn’t give it to me? How can I forgive them when they broke me? How am I supposed to let it all go when they didn’t let me live in peace for what happened?

Ethan was right. Both Rowan and I were drunk, but I’m the only one who got punished. The only one who got blamed was me. I was the one that was called names, the one that was looked down on. The only one who got bullied.

I am the only one who got emotional and verbal abuse. I took all of it. I took the blame, even though I shouldn’t have, because I loved Rowan.

The more I thought about it, the more I got angry. I can feel the angry tears trying to fall, and this time I don’t want to push them back.

I’m so tired. So fucking tired of being the bigger person. I lost just as much as Rowan did because of that night.

No one wanted to see how the guilt broke. No one wanted to see how I was breaking or how I struggled. It was always about Rowan and Emma.

It was always about him. How come I had to break just to keep us working? How come I had to break for them to feel good about themselves? They broke me and yet no one wants to acknowledge that. No one wants to acknowledge my pain.

I feel a dam explode inside me. All the pain that I have been holding back. All the pain I’ve been pushing down. I can’t contain it anymore. It all comes rushing to the surface as my world unravels

The guttural scream that leaves my mouth is animalistic even to my own ears. It reverberates off the walls, echoing my torment. I lash out, my fist colliding with any fragile object around me.

The sound of shattering glass and splintering wood fills the air. Mirroring the chaos within my soul. My fragile heart was breaking all over again. The pain swallowing me. Destroying me from the inside out.

My nails dig into his flesh as I cry my heart out, and I transfer all that pain to him. He doesn’t complain. He doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t wince.

He continues to hold me as the remnants of my past, my unhealed scars, lay scattered on the floor. A physical manifestation of the emotional turmoil that had finally consumed me.

My inner demons tear me apart as I breakdown, and all the pain I have endured finally erupts.

I finally sink against him. Completely and utterly drained. He gently picks me up in bridal style and leads me up the stairs. My eyes were beginning to close as I feel a certain peace settle deep inside me.

Even if God had deemed me guilty of my past sins, I think I’ve already paid enough for those mistakes. It was time to leave the past where it belonged. It was time to heal.

I was done hiding. It was time to come out of the shadows and live my life.