The Alpha Train (Christina and Sebastian) novel Chapter 181

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Chapter 114: Christina

Christina

Finals week is as grueling as I expected. They don’t make it easy, it shouldn’t be. Alphas have the lives of every member of their pack in their hands. They need to take that seriously, to understand the responsibility that comes with being an Alpha, so they can effectively run and manage their packs.

On Monday, Ezra defeated me to get the ten points in Best in Sparring. It was a hard–won battle, but in the end, he was the winner. He was a good sport about it, and everyone else congratulated both of us on being such strong competitors.

Sebastian had come up and congratulated Ezra on the win, and as briefly as possible, told me that I did very well. I know I was the one who asked for space but shit it’s so hard to see him when I still feel so raw.

I can feel his eyes on me at all hours of the day. I know he’s desperate to talk to me and I know that time is coming quickly when I’ll have to make a decision, but he’s respecting my need to focus this week.

Not that it’s easy to focus. I’m struggling to sleep every night, and everyone has seen the strain I’m under. On Tuesday, the Lunas corner me in the kitchen, wanting to know what

happened. I tearfully tell them, getting hugs and support for all of them.

“For what it’s worth, Christina, he looks as bad as you do,” Sylvie

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says.

“I know you’re in the middle of finals weeks, Christina, but don’t make any decisions until you’ve had some space. Get away from all of this and think about what YOU want and what YOU can live with next week between semesters,” Mia said.

“I imagine right now it feels hard to breathe. Go home. Talk to your brother. Get some clarity about what you want in life and how you can obtain that. There are a lot of doors that will be open for you now, even more than before,” Luna Jo says.

By Wednesday, Tyler and Ezra corner me on our morning run, waiting until we’re as far away from the dorms as possible. before forcing me to talk.

“I broke the first rule of being an assistant. I fell in love with the instructor,” I say. I’ve cried more in the last few days than I have since I lost my parents. I’m not a crier by nature, but I just can’t seem to stop.

“Did he tell you he doesn’t love you? Because he acts like he does,” Tyler says.

“We’ve never said it to each other. I don’t know if he doesn’t feel the same or if he was waiting, but now…” I look up at these two men who are as much brothers to me as Dane is.

“Now you don’t want to go from one shadow to another,” Ezra

says.

“Exactly. Maybe I would feel differently if I hadn’t gone through the classes this semester, if I hadn’t realized what it meant to be in Dane’s shadow. But I’m not the same person I was ten weeks ago, and I can’t go back to being that person again.”

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“What are you going to do?” Tyler asks.

“Luna Mia suggested taking this week away to decide what I want. I think I need to space to clear my head and figure out exactly what it is that I want to do,” I say.

“You’ll see us next week at Tyler’s party. You can give us an update then and if you need to talk, we’ll be there,” Ezra says. “Well, I’ll be there. Tyler will hopefully find his mate and be very busy,” he says chuckling.

“I’ve already found my mate,” he says quietly. “For me, my birthday will just confirm what I already know.”

“I hope so. The two of you are really good together,” I tell him.

By Friday, all of the tokens have been given out. Not surprisingly, Ezra won best for Finance, Managing the Pack, and overall Sensory, which left me the ten points for Best in Hearing. Tyler won for Best in Smell, and Liam won for Best in Sight. I got the points for the Communication class and Tyler got them for Dealing with Crisis.

By Saturday, there’s a lot of excitement. As heartbroken as I still feel about everything going on with Sebastian, it’s hard not to be excited about the fact that three of us made it to the leaderboard.

The assistants, under Haley’s direction put together a feast and baked a cake for our graduation. The mood is festive and a bit sad. We’ve all grown really close this semester, even Logan became part of the group after he finally engaged in the program. We all know he didn’t pass, but I know he will next semester.