ROMAN
I take another deep drink of my beer as I stare at the photo in my phone, one my private investigator just sent to me.
A scoff escapes my lips and I set the phone down. What I want to do is throw this shit across the room, but | just leave it where it is on the counter of the bar and keep drinking.
I’m disheveled and I don’t give a damn. I haven’t shaved in like forever. My beard is prickly and whenever I look in the mirror, I see my father. The only other thing I need to be an exact copy of him is for my hairline to recede to the back of my motherfucking head.
He had a beard just like the one I have now. And back in the day, he would be stuck in bars drinking, too. I don’t know what fycking issues he had that he had to drink them away, but in any case, here I am now, the living proof that we can’t escape our parents no matter how hard we try.
We’ll always be half of them. And the harder we judge them, the easier it’ll be to settle into their shoes. Right now, his are pretty comfortable.
Because I can’t find it in me to face a reality where | lost Nikki on account of my stupidity. I keep thinking and thinking about it, and it sickens me. I’ve fucked up the onepart of my life that made so much sense to me. The one part I looked forward to the most.
Nikki brought out the best in me. Without her, what am I?
A playboy who went around the city sleeping with countless women to fill a hole that will never be filled?
I drain my glass, then gesture for the bartender to fill it again. Poor guy. I bet he’s sick of me by now. I’ve been here every day. I’m neglecting work. I don’t care. I’m haunted by the choices I made and the images I’ve been receiving of Nikki having lunch with Sebastian Fucking Crowe.
What has my life boiled down to? Am I always going to Lose her to that guy? Why is he even still in the damn picture?
For weeks now, l’ve been trying to stay away and give her the space she needs to think about things and find it in her to forgive my filthy sins. It’s been so hard, surpassing the urge to kill Sebastian with my bare hands.
That’s what I want to do.
He’s like a vulture, sweeping in to pick the bones of our relationship. What the hell is wrong with him? Why can’t he leave her alone?
Why can’t she stay away from him either?
It’s easier to drink than think about all this, so that’s what I do. Once my beer is right in front of me, I take gulpsagain, but I nearly choke on my drink when I hear Nikki saying my name from behind me.
Am I so drunk that I’m imagining things now?
Sure enough, when I whirl around in my stool, I see her standing behind me with her arms crossed and an angry look on her face. How can she be here? How did she find me? I received the photos of her and Sebastian not too long ago.
What the hell is going on?
“What’re you doing to yourself?” she asks angrily as she makes her way to my side.
“How’d you find me?”


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