Alpha Damon (Sienna) novel Chapter 222

Delilah:

The moment that I laid my eyes on him, I could not breathe.

Nikolai.

His name pulsed in my head like a heartbeat I couldn’t steady. I had told myself I would be ready. I had promised myself I would be strong. But no strength in this world could have prepared me for the way my knees gave out, or how the cold of the earth beneath me felt like it was crawling into my bones.

He was gone.

To save me and Lysandra, he chose to give up his life. When he does not need to, When he could have played his game a while longer. He chose to give his life up.

I had to hold myself up. I had to ignore the pain that I felt in my chest as I stood, as I tried to be strong. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. And since then, I found myself getting lost in my thoughts more than I wanted to be. Damon had tried talking to me, Sienna as well, but nothing could ease the pain that I felt. Mostly because I knew that I was alone. I felt alone, at least.

I heard the whispering voices around me, the murmur of Sienna’s concern, the way Damon spoke in sharp, strong tones to someone at the gate, but none of it registered. All I could see was the cloth covering the body they had delivered. All I could think about was the way he had told me to run, to take Lysandra and go.

Even after I’ve tried to tell myself that I would be okay, that this was just a normal process, that this was more that we were at war. This was harder on me than I wanted it to be. Giovanni was right. I was softening, but it wasn’t because I wanted to. It was because I had a sense of humanity that I chose to hold on to. Something that he wanted me to lose, that he did his best to break in me. Somehow he did not.

Nikolai had made his choice.

But he didn’t just give his life.

“I know,” I whispered, swallowing hard. “I shouldn’t be here. I know I’m not…”

“You don’t need to explain,” he said quietly. “Not now. I did not ask why you were here, nor did I care. You can roam around freely as far as I am concerned. I doubt that you are going to be any danger right now.”

I looked away, blinking fast as the tears welled up again. “He didn’t have to do it,” I murmured. “He didn’t have to die. He could’ve stayed. He could have come with us one way or the other, we would have managed to make it out together.”

Kael let out a breath, slow and steady. “He did what he believed was right. For you. For Lysandra. For all of us, in a way. He reminded Giovanni of what was real, though I know that you might not understand it this way, I do. And now he needs to be honored.”