Alpha Damon (Sienna) novel Chapter 237

Damon:

I sat on the edge of the bed, elbows on my knees, head bowed, trying to make sense of something that refused to be understood. Sienna was not allowing me to go anywhere beyond the room. I did not blame her. She was worried and after the state that she saw me in, I knew that she was right.

The room was quiet, too quiet. I could still hear his voice in my head. Caleb’s laughter. His sarcasm. The way he used to throw his arm around my shoulder like we hadn’t been raised to act like warriors. The way the two of us would look at one another, share a silent message, and then just look away.

Gone.

Just… gone.

And now he was not even coming back. He went to do something for me, he went to find out about something and now he was gone. He was dead. And I did not understand how it did not add up. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself that it did, it did not.

The door creaked open, and I didn’t have to look to know it was her. Her footsteps were soft, deliberate. She didn’t ask if I was okay. Didn’t force comfort down my throat. She just sat beside me, close enough for her shoulder to brush mine.

I sometimes wanted her to go and leave me alone. I sometimes wanted her to allow me to let out my anger. They also knew that she was doing the right thing for both myself, for the pack and for everything that we’ve been fighting for. She knew what I did not, she saw what I didn’t.

“I’m not letting you do this alone,” Sienna said. “I know that this is not something that you want me to do right now, and I know that you don’t want me to be by your side. Maybe you want to endure this by yourself, but I’m not going to let you do it.”

“I didn’t ask you to,” I muttered, rubbing my hand over my face. “I’ve handled worse by myself, Sienna, you know that. You don’t have to roam around me.”

“You have handled a lot by yourself before, I will admit, but I was not in your life, not this way. I am your woman and I am your mate. I’m not going to allow you to handle your pain on your own. Not as long as I breathe.” She said softly.

I looked at her then. She was staring straight ahead, eyes set. Fierce in a quiet way that always disarmed me. “You think you have to carry it all. Caleb. The pack. The meeting. The war. I know that you’re in pain, Damon. The whole pack is in pain. They feel your pain, but you need to allow yourself to give in to something like this.”

“What choice do I have? Do you really think that I’m going to be able to handle anything if I allow myself to get into my emotions?” My voice came out rough. “I’m Alpha. It doesn’t matter how I feel. It doesn’t matter to anyone what I’m going to think about when it comes to loss. This is war and we are going to need to handle it no matter what the cost is.”

“It matters to me.” She snapped, glaring at me. “And I think that I should matter more than anyone that is around because I’m the one person who knows you without the barriers that you’re trying to put up. Alpha or not, you still are a person and if you show yourself out, this is not going to help you out. It’s not going to help anyone out.”

I let out a bitter breath, shaking my head. “Feeling like this doesn’t help anyone. Feeling like this is not going to end anything that we’ve started, but they have started that they’ve put us through.”

“You’re allowed to hurt,” she whispered. “You loved him. He was your friend, your brother, and the two of you grew up together. You are allowed to feel pain, alpha or not. You are allowed, Damon.”

My throat tightened. I couldn’t say it. I couldn’t form the words.

She reached for my hand. “You don’t have to speak. Just… let me be here. With you.”

I wrapped my arms around our daughter and leaned back, letting my head rest against the wall.

“You know,” I said after a moment, “there were days I never thought I’d have this. Any of it. You. Her.”

“I know.” She looked at me, her hand sliding over my arm. “But you do. And you’re not losing us.”

I nodded slowly, still holding Isla close.

“I don’t say it enough,” I said quietly. “But… thank you. For not leaving me to drown in this.”

Sienna didn’t say anything. She just leaned in, resting her head on my shoulder.

“I never will. Not as long as I breathe. You’re not going to be alone in anything. I give you my word, Damon.”