Inferno Demon Riders MC: My Five Obsessed Bullies novel Chapter 46

Blythe’s P.Q.V.

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What the actual hell is wrong with me? No, seriously. Something must be.

Why do I always get like that?

Well, not always… I was never like that at Silent Divine. I wasn’t like that until Sean and I started doing stuff.

We started out slow, of course. He knew my sexual experiences at Silent Divine. I thought going slow was his way of showing me what sex stuff was supposed to be like.

Little did I know, I was a big fucking joke.

As soon as Sean and I started getting more intimate, I acted like that. Like I needed more and more. Like nothing was ever enough. One tug on my nipple, and I was begging to be stuffed. It was like something else took over entirely.

I was embarrassed as hell the first few times, but Sean was so thrilled about it. He helped me slowly understand myself sexually. He was the one that helped me forget all about Daniel and what Silent Divine was doing to me. He made me feel in control, sexy, desired, loved, and safe.

But all of it was a lie.

And now here I am, doing the same things with the people who hurt me more than Sean ever could. I gave myself up with barely a fight. I begged. I acted desperate. And I answered their questions without a care in the world.

It felt better with them. It was incredible. I was so needy and desperate that I thought I’d explode if I couldn’t get more of them. My pussy was throbbing, and I was willing to do anything to have one of them inside of me.

And now I hate myself for it.

I shouldn’t have been so stupid. I shouldn’t have let my guard down. Now they know a secret about me. One they can use to get me to spill more secrets. Maybe. I’m not really sure. I feel like if they start asking me about my time with Daniel or Sean, I’ll probably snap out of it.

What if I don’t though? What if they figure out how to keep me so needy that I spill everything? Then what happens? They all laugh and talk about how they already knew? Does the joke finally end when I tell them about all the horrors of Silent Divine? How much more humiliation can I take?

It’s not even just about being humiliated. It’s about them. It’s about the almost two years that I spent praying and hoping that they would come rescue me. It’s about the small piece of me that keeps whispering that I can trust them, that they never knew. It’s about everything I endured after I ran away the first time.

Because if it turns out that they do know everything, that they didn’t care… I’ll be crushed. Worse than ever before. I will be nothing. I know it. I know myself, and I know that I can’t handle it. I couldn’t handle being a joke again, being a toy again. I’m not strong enough. Not when I’m already barely holding on.

But if it turns out that they don’t… What happens then? They learn how tainted I really am? They look at me with pity and disgust? And that would mean that I’d been running for the last few years for no reason.

I heard Evander though. He was the one that kicked me out that night, that gave me back to Daniel even though I was begging and pleading. He told me that they all knew and were trying to keep the rest of the club occupied while he got me back where I belonged. I heard him on the phone.

They all knew. I can’t forget that. No matter what happens. No matter what they do to me. No matter what they find out. And no matter how good it all feels…

I can’t forget that I don’t matter to anyone.

“Why the long face, Shorty?” Psycho asked as he climbed into the car next to me.

“She’s been giving us the silent treatment all morning,” CG said from the passenger seat.

“Which is why I’m making her ride in the car with us,” Karma added from the driver’s seat.

“Well, shit, you won’t hear me complaining about silent treatment,” Havoc muttered as he leaned his head back against the seat. He’s on my other side, and yes, it’s crowded as hell back here.

“Silent treatment, huh?” Psycho asked, looking at me.

I ignored him. I’m going to ignore them all. The best thing to do is stay quiet. They’ll give up eventually.

I hope.

“Yeah, she’s not too happy that Karma and I had her cumming her brains out this morning,” CG said causally, as if we were discussing the weather. My face flamed as Psycho smirked at me. “I think she has hypersexuality or compulsive sexual behavior disorder.”

Disorder???

“Uh, what?” Psycho asked with a forced laugh.

“What the fuck?” Havoc muttered, clearly confused.

“Well, she had a whole personality change and went all…” CG trailed off as he blew out a breath. “I’m gonna get hard just thinking about the way she begged us to fuck her.”

Oh. My. God.

“Wait, you guys fucked?” Psycho asked incredulously.

“No,” CG replied. “I said she begged us, not that we did it.”

“I’m fucking confused,” Psycho muttered.

Me too.

“Anyway,” CG said. “I was looking up shit, because seriously, she had a complete personality change and it was kinda freaky. In all the best ways, but I was worried about our girl.”

Not your girl!

“I think she has hypersexuality or CSB disorder,” CG concluded.

“She has a split personality is what she fucking has,” Karma muttered, making me frown.

Didn’t hear him complaining earlier.

“What the hell does that even mean?” Psycho asked.

“I just want to go live my life the way I want,” I told her.

Isla finally stopped and looked at me.

“Do you expect me to believe that what you want is bouncing from town to town for the rest of your life? Always looking over your shoulder? Always living in fear? How is that even a life?” she asked.

“At least I’d be free,” I mumbled.

“What’s so free about that kind of life?” She inquired, turning her body to me.

“What’s so free about this life?” I countered. “I’m being watched like a dog, I never have a moment of peace, I’m constantly bullied. I don’t even want to be here.”

Isla looked at me for a moment.

“Because you think they know something about whatever happened to you,” she stated.

I pressed my lips together in a firm line. Isla saw me close–up immediately and sighed.

“I don’t know if you’ll believe me, sweetheart, but those boys don’t know a damn thing,” she told me. “Whatever happened… whatever Daniel or your husband did or told you… Maybe it wasn’t the truth, Bly.”

“Or maybe your son is a better actor than you think,” I muttered.

“Bly! Try these on!” Ann squealed from behind me.

I turned around all to have her shove’a pile of clothes at me. Then she and Cami ushered me to the fitting rooms, and stuffed me into one of the stalls. I didn’t even try to protest. I knew it was pointless.

Sigh a heavy sigh, I set the clothes down and stripped out of the ones I had on. The first item I picked up was a dress. It wasn’t as skimpy as the other ones they picked out, but it was still kind of slutty. I was a bit shocked that they were picking out clothes like that for me. The only difference with this one is that it’s turquoise and a little longer than the others. It’s still just as tight though, showing off my curves.

“I love it!” Ann and Cami squealed together, clapping their hands.

I rolled my eyes at them and went to change out of it. However, I got the zipper stuck. Of fucking course. I am so over this shopping trip.

“Hey, can one of you guys help me with the zipper?” I asked as I opened the door.

Only, it wasn’t Ann or Cami I came face–to–face with.

“Sure, Short Cake,” Psycho said with a smile. “I can help you out of your clothes. Anytime.”