Alpha Damon (Sienna) novel Chapter 178

Sienna:

I stared at the folded blouse on the bed for longer than necessary.

It wasn’t special. Just a pale blue button-up I’d worn before, once, maybe twice but it felt heavier today. Like it knew what the day meant. Like it carried the weight I was trying so hard not to buckle under.

“I had it ironed for you last night,” Damon’s voice came from behind me, quiet and careful. “I figured that you might want to wear it. Since you know, you had it taken out of the closet last night.”

I didn’t turn around. My fingers skimmed over the collar as I drew in a breath. “Thank you.”

A beat of silence. I didn’t know what to say and I could tell that he understood that Damon understood that I was scared and pain, even. I was still very much upset, no matter how hard I tried to deny that I was.

“You don’t have to go in,” he said eventually, his tone too soft, too coaxing. “With everything that you’re carrying on your shoulders, it is good for you to take a break.”

“I do.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I do, Damon,” I snapped, my voice tighter than I meant it to be. I turned toward him, regret already building in my chest. “If I don’t walk in there today, I might never be able to. I would just would be as good as locking myself up again. I would be as good as choosing to keep myself in refusing to leave.”

His jaw tensed, but he didn’t argue. Not right away. He stepped closer, brushing a strand of hair off my cheek, his thumb grazing my jaw.

“I know you’re strong,” he murmured. “But you don’t have to prove that to anyone. Not to them, not to me. Least of all… not to yourself. I want you to be able to do things on your own terms when you are ready.”

I searched his eyes, hoping to find comfort, but all I saw was worry. Deep and raw, laced with something heavier than just concern. Something closer to fear.

“I’m not hiding,” I whispered. “Not anymore. I don’t know how things are going to happen and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to manage them, but hiding is not an option for me anymore.”

His hand slid down to my waist, pulling me to him. “You’re not hiding. I know. But you’re allowed to breathe too. Sometimes you’re allowed to feel your pain and you are allowed to give yourself a break for it.”

I rested my head against his chest, breathing in the faint scent of cedar and warmth that always clung to him. Safe. That was what Damon felt like, even when I was angry, even when I wanted to scream. He wrapped his arm around me, holding me tight. He understood that I needed this. He understood why I needed it, but I hated that he was actually giving me the chance to say no, that I did not want to do it today.

“I’ll walk in there today,” I said. “With my head high. I’ll do my job. I’ll sit in that chair. And if anyone looks at me sideways, I swear I’ll…”

The walk to the office felt longer than usual. The pack members greeted me with bows and soft “Luna” murmurs. I gave them polite nods, but my shoulders didn’t relax until I stepped into the elevator with Damon’s hand resting lightly at the small of my back.

The steel doors closed. We were alone again.

“You don’t have to prove anything,” he said again, this time more like a plea than a statement. “If you find it’s hard for you to be able to stay, and if you find it hard to be able to focus, just say the words and we’ll go back home.”

“I’m not doing it for them.” I leaned into him slightly. “I’m doing it for me. This is work. No matter how hard it is going to be for me, I know that I’m going to have to keep doing this. I’m going to have to keep standing until I am able to stand without being forced to yourself or feeling like I was forced to do so.”

He didn’t say anything. Just kissed the top of my head.

The doors opened, and we walked into the office together, me in front, his presence right behind me, like a shadow, like a shield.

And maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t as afraid as I thought I’d be.