Alpha Damon (Sienna) novel Chapter 264

Delilah:

The blade sliced through the air with a clean whistle.

Again.

And again.

Faster.

Harder.

I didn’t stop.

I did not plan on stopping. Not until I drained myself from all the energy that I had. Not until I allowed myself to remember why I was here. Not until I forced myself to breathe.

The sweat on my back soaked through the fabric of my shirt. My arms screamed with the strain, but I welcomed it, begged for it. Pain, at least, was something I could control. Pain, at least, was something that I remembered. Pain was a reminder of who I was. It was a reminder of what I was to become.

The punching post cracked slightly as I hit it one last time, letting my knuckles throb with the ache I refused to vocalize. I looked at my hands. Both my knuckles were bloody, but I did not care. I was not going to stop, not until I was satisfied.

This wasn’t about form anymore.

This was about surviving myself.

This was about me giving in to my pain. This was about me letting it go, letting it out in the way that I knew best. Fighting anger and revenge.

The training grounds were mostly empty, too early, too cold, too tense since the burial. Hey burial that I had no reason to care for despite the pain that they were in. I did not know the man. They were kind to let me in, but I was not a fool to let myself believe that I was going to be one of them. And right now I was thankful for the emptiness of the grounds. That suited me fine. I didn’t need an audience. I didn’t need comfort. I needed to burn. I needed to allow myself to give in. I needed to forget.

And then I felt it.

The shift in the air. The quiet pressure of someone watching. Has sent as he stood behind me, the man that made me feel weaker than I had in a while. The man that reminded me of what it was to feel something that I thought I had long forgotten.

I didn’t turn.

Not at first.

I did not want to face him. I did not want him to see my pain in my eyes. I wanted him to see what I could do to him if I got my hands on him.

But it was his footsteps approaching me that made me stop my tracks, that made me hold my breath.

“You don’t get to show up now and pretend that you’re the one hurting. You have no right to pretend that you care about anything. Had I not heard you, you wouldn’t even care.” I said, jaw clenched. “You don’t get to look at me like I’m the one who misunderstood something that came from your mouth. Something that I heard loud and clear as you gloated about how you pitied me and how you felt sorry for me.”

His face twisted, like he wanted to say something, argue, maybe. But he stayed silent.

“Every time I’ve had to pick myself up, it was alone,” I continued, quieter now. “Through fire. Through blood. Through silence so loud it nearly crushed me. I stood alone, but I allowed you in.”

My hands trembled, and I curled them into fists.

“And now you want to stand there like you didn’t just rip another piece of me open? You want me to look at you like you did not break me?” I asked, trying my best not to allow the tears that almost formed in my eyes to fall.

Shut your humanity off. Shut it out. If you don’t have any humanity left in you, you are not going to give in to your pain, you’re not going to feel it.

He moved closer, his voice rough. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. What I said, I did not mean it, not in that way, not in the way that you understood.”

I shook my head. “That’s the thing about people like you, Ethan. You never mean to, but you still do. The only difference is that I’m not like the others. I cannot stand by and just watch you do what you do. I cannot accept it. I’m sorry. I cannot swallow it and I refuse to.”

I turned before he could say a word, facing the punching bag. “If there is nothing that you need to tell me, please, I’m going to go back to my training…”