Brother’s Best Friends Are My Mates novel Chapter 177

Colby

Trying to rally together out allies is a pain in the ass. It involves me sending a lot of emails to people, trying to figure out who is willing to back us up. But much to my dismay, not everyone is willing to answer right away.

This makes me frustrated, making me wonder if I am ever going to be effective as a leader. Being a leader was something I decided to accept after my pack said that I would be the best choice. I thought about it for a while until I decided to agree to be the leader.

But being a leader was difficult. No one ever said it was going to be easy, but I certainly never thought it would be this difficult.

Groaning, I stepped away from the laptop and decided to go for a walkaround ten, but everywhere I turned, it felt like I was being confronted by the fact that I had so much responsibility thrust upon me.

Sighing, I ended up doing two laps around the place. It led me to the back porch where I saw Michael. A smile made it’s way onto my face. He was a good man. one of the best men I knew, which was why I wanted him to go ahead and make him the person who was running the pack in the first place. He deserved to be running it, but here I was in the position and feeling like it was way too much for me right now.

He was still one of my best friends and always would be. Since fatherhood, he had ended up being very busy, but he had two kids, so it was obvious why he was going to have this problem. Being a parent kept you busy.

One day, I wanted to have kids with Lia. All of us wanted to have cubs with Lia. It was something we had talked about on more than one occasion. The five of us were going to be a family. Well, we were already a family. But with children, we were going to be complete.

But that was a long time coming. It was going to be a while before we had kids, especially with everything we were doing right now.

It was a waiting game, something that was frustrating.

But right now, I have a lot on my mind. I sighed and decided to go be with Michael. The two of us could talk.

I found Michael on the back porch, nursing a cup of coffee like it was a lifeline. Morning sun, quiet air, no one else around. Good enough.

“You got a second?” I asked, hovering by the steps.

He didn’t even look up. “You bringing drama or peace?” “Maybe both.”

He gestured to the chair beside him. “Then sit. I’m too tired to run.”

I sat, staring out at the trees for a moment before I said it. “This pack leader thing… It’s starting to get to me.” Michael turned to look at me then, brow raised. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, I wanted this. I chose this. But sometimes I wake up and feel like I’m holding the entire world together with duct tape and stubbornness.”

“That’s leadership,” he said dryly, sipping his coffee. “Half the time you’re faking it. The other half, you’re hoping nobody notices you’re faking it.”

I snorted. “That’s not exactly comforting.”

He shrugged. “Wasn’t trying to comfort you. Just telling the truth.”

I ran a hand through my hair, leaned forward with my elbows on my knees. “Every decision I make feels like it could blow back on all of us. I second-guess myself more than I sleep.”

Michael gave a quiet hum, watching me for a moment. “You meditating?” “…Seriously?”

“Dead serious.”

“I’m a werewolf, not a monk”

“And you’re also stressed out, which is making you snap at people, zone out, and overthink everything. Meditation works. Clears the noise.”

I looked at him, skeptical. “Do you meditate?”

Fuck, this wasn’t like me. Why was I starting to feel like this? It was driving me insane.

I sighed and sat there with Michael for a while, deciding that I was going to just meditate for a while. Meditating was okay. I would be fine. I could meditate.

But the longer I tried to meditate, the more I realized that there was no way I was able to meditate. This wasn’t for me. So I got up and went back inside, where I ran into Rain.

“Hey Colby, what’s with the weird look on your face?” “I tried to meditate, and I don’t think it was a success.”

Rain blinked. “Colby, my dude, I have attempted meditation in the past, and I can tell you that it has never worked for me. All I ended up doing is either falling asleep during meditation or getting bored and doing something else.”

I snorted. “Rain, that’s not my problem with the meditation.” His eyebrows shot up. “Oh, what’s your issue with it then?”

I think my actual issue was that I had so much on my mind that I couldn’t calm my mind long enough to meditate. It was a double-edged sword. I wanted to be able to get all this shit out of my mind, but the harder I tried the more difficult it became.

Huffing, I looked at Rain and saw he was confused. I didn’t want to worry Rain about this. If I told him, then he was going to worry, wanting to fuss over me, which was the last thing I wanted.

I didn’t need someone fussing over me. It was the last thing I needed. Fussing over me was going to frustrate me to no end. “I’m fine, Rain, I promise.”

It was clear from the look on his face that he didn’t believe me, but I wasn’t going to argue with him when I had all this anxiety going on in my mind.

“Okay, but if you aren’t fine, you’ll tell me right?” “Of course I will.”

No, the truth was I wouldn’t tell him what was going on. I didn’t want to worry anyone when I was the one who should be dealing with this. As the pack leader, it was up to me to handle it. And that was what I was going to do.

I would figure it out and the one thing I wasn’t going to do was burden my family and friends. They had already been through a lot. The last thing I wanted to do was add to the stress they already had.