Slowly, I leaned toward Noah. With his eyes closed and breathing normally, the little red robot remained tightly gripped against his chest. My lips curled up with a small smile as I carefully unbuckled his seatbelt.
The warmth in his body made it feel like I was embracing the entire world, even though my arms were light. During his deep sleep, he was resting with his head against my shoulder while leaving his lips slightly open.
Walking into the house, I walked through the quiet hallway and opened the door to Noah’s room with my foot. It was quite quiet. I was enveloped by the familiar aroma of his space. I laid him down on his small bed, pulling the blanket up to his chest with a gentle pull.
In his tiny hand, there was still the red robot stuck in place. Despite my efforts to free him, his fingers were still tight. His expression could only be kept by me and my smile.
My words were sweet, “Mommy, do you love me?” I gently brushed his thick hair aside.
Standing on the edge of my bed, I observed him. On certain occasions, it struck me as astonishing to witness his growth and the number of moments he hadn’t seen before. Watching him sleep made every moment feel precious.
My eyes were fixed on him without any reaction. The man’s chest trembled and fell slowly, his cheekbones were as pink as ever, and his lips formed a small line that seemed like he had been dreaming. The loyal little guardian, a red robot, was lying beneath his arm on the opposite side of the bed.
I put my elbows on my knees and tried to calm myself down by lying down. Sienna. Her name was enough to make my chest feel tight. In this house, I felt a deep sense of loss for her, as evidenced by the sound of her footsteps, laughter, and the comfort she gave Noah before going to sleep.
Now it was just me and Noah.
The photo of us at the park, taken when Noah was only two, caught my attention. While Sienna was embracing him from the rear, I held her tightly. Everybody looked so happy there, like an ideal family.
Life was never as straightforward as it seems.
Taking a deep breath, I whispered softly, “Noah, no worries. Don’t worry daddy. Upon returning, I’ll ensure that you can hug Mommy once more.”
In the quiet room, the wall clock tickled.. My fear of leaving the world behind may have caused me to allow time to flow without rushing, as my son was sleeping soundly and unaffected.
My eyes sore his tiny fingers, still curled around the red robot. This simple toy held so much significance and served as a small bond between him and Sienna. I used to wonder why she had chosen to keep those small, sentimental relationships. I came to understand that love is not limited by the quantity of what we give, but rather by its underlying significance.
Once more, I brushed Noah’s forehead while pushing away the hair that had bedded his eyes. “Sleep well, sweetheart.” Daddy’s here,” I whispered.
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For a while, I just sat there listening to his breathing and watching the nightlight dance across the wall. It was an inexplicable feeling of tranquility. There might be no other place on earth where I could feel complete with my son wrapped in a stillness and warmth.
Even with that peace of mind, I knew there was something I had to face. Sienna. Her sentiments, choices, and infirmities. Those feelings of guilt persisted in my mind.
I regained my composure, looked at Noah one last time, and said to him, “Daddy, you’ve been the most beautiful dream you have ever had.”
My hand touched the red robot for a moment, as if I was trying to send it away with some kind of message. A promise, maybe. I would rectify the situation.
The cool evening breeze penetrating the window made the curtains sway gently. Standing up, I made sure not to scream. Before departing, I glanced back at my son who was asleep, quiet and unsure.
Not until I caught my breath did a momentary glance at the door with its half–opening.
I left the room silently, making certain that the door wouldn’t creak after a few minutes. The house fell silent again. Upon arriving at the kitchen, I opened the cabinet and was left to wonder what I could have made for dinner.
My hands moved in a natural way, gathering essentially the same ingredients. I heated up the onion stock and then brought it to a boil. It was perfect. As the room became occupied, the kitchen started to smell more. The sound of oil rustling and the wooden spoon tapping against the pan were all factors that kept me company in the house. It was peaceful.
But as I awaited the boiling of the water, thoughts of this again began to surface. Sienna’s smile, sharp yet delicate eyes and soft voice when she spoke to Noah filled my thoughts.
I breathed deeply and held my head down. There was still a degree of confusion within me regarding the distance.‘ My intention was to have her in the kitchen and laugh at me while I was cooking. She made fun of me for having eaten food with such high sodium content, as I did.
That longing ran down my chest. I instinctively grabbed my phone and placed it at the counter. Her name was visible on the screen with my thumb hovering in an uncertain state.
Should I call her now?
After looking at the stove, I glanced back at my phone. When I finally tapped “Call,” my heart raced – uncertain about whether it was fear or optimism.
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