Alpha Damon (Sienna) novel Chapter 325

Sienna:

I found her alone near the garden wall, her hands stained with soil as she reburied some of the broken herbs from the chaos last week. The sun dipped low behind her, casting a golden halo around her figure.

She didn’t look up when I approached, maybe she heard me, maybe she didn’t. But I stepped forward anyway, slowly. I had to admit though, the two of us were not fighting anymore. There was a gap between us that I did not like. It was one that I could not explain, and I knew that we needed to clear that up. I needed to clear it out.

“I didn’t know you gardened,” I said quietly. “For as long as I’ve known you, you were never one to enter the kitchen. Let alone the garden.”

Lysandra glanced at me, then back to the soil, her voice soft. “I didn’t. Not before. But these roots were torn apart because of the war. Someone has to put them back in place. And the kitchen and garden and two completely different places, Sienna.”

I swallowed. “Is that what you’re doing with yourself, too? You know the kitchen would be a better place to be at.”

That made her smile faintly. A tired, sad smile. “Something like that.”

“But I can assume that you didn’t come here to speak to me about the garden or the kitchen, did you?”

“I came here to check on what you were doing. I don’t have anything that is in mind that I want to say.” I said, choosing to lie for a moment, though it was low of me to do so. I did not know how to voice out what I was feeling.

Silence stretched between us. It wasn’t uncomfortable, not this time. Just long enough to feel the weight of the years we had spent not talking. Not really. The two of us were always known as enemies, though I did not even know how it started.

“I wanted to say something, I’ve been meaning to say for a while, but I kept holding it off and I think that now is the time for me to actually come and talk to you about it.” she said finally, wiping her hands on a cloth by the bench. She turned to face me, for once not as a shadow, not as a rival, but as herself. “Sienna, I’m sorry.”

I blinked, startled. “Lysandra…”

“No, please let me finish. I know that you don’t want me to finish. I know that maybe my presence here might not make a difference to you, even you having me as a guest here or something that I should be thankful for. And that is one of the reasons why I want to let this out.” She stepped closer. “I spent years… angry. At you, at him, at myself. And I told myself you were the reason I was never enough. But the truth is, he never belonged to me. He never once looked at me the way he looked at you. Not even in the beginning. I tried to convince myself otherwise. I tried to show him a different side that he did not see, a side that was more powerful, more beautiful, more glamorous. But I know that I was doing horse crying up. I was losing part of myself for it.”

“I can’t blame you for your daughter, for what happened between the two of you. It was not your fault. I know I blamed you before, I was angry with you before, but I understand your conception. It’s not your fault.” She said, and I closed my eyes, the memories playing in my mind for a moment too long.

I looked away, shame creeping up my spine. “That doesn’t make what I did right. I shouldn’t have taken that decision or done something like that. I don’t know how I was able to look you in the eye after it. Maybe it was the reason why I chose to run away. I was running away from you, from him, from the shame that I felt…”

“You didn’t take anything,” she said gently. “He was never mine to lose. I was the one who was refusing to admit it. Yes, Damon took me for a fool at that moment, but I couldn’t blame him either. I can’t blame you. And you cannot take the blame for it, because if you do, you’re just going to end up eating a part of yourself like you have no shame and no fault in.’

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